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Winter in Limbo

by Admiral Fox

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1.
just another mistake for me to never let myself forget throw myself on the sword and take the blame i can't forgive myself somehow I deserve to atone for things I've never done you've never seen it before reach out your hand but it's far away the line between us is angry and uncrossable i'll never do it again once was enough to reveal that I'm not suited for this kind of love once was enough to explain how I could never be secure enough how can I go back when there's still so much I haven't done you've never seen it before reach out your hand but it's far away the line between us is angry and uncrossable i'll never do it again but how can I be sure it's so confusing to separate from beliefs I used to celebrate we've taken control you've never seen it before reach out your hand but it's far away the line between us is angry and uncrossable i'll never do it again no no i'll never do it again no no i'll never do it again
2.
WINTER IN LIMBO the winter was an exercise in trying to stay calm and I learned so much I would have rather not in this one-sided conversation my past goes at self-preservation never seemed to want it bad enough and the new year always sucked but this was still the worst one yet and I still don’t know what any of it meant there’s lots of ways to kill my time and I’m mastering them all yeah time is just a gift I never asked for it’s something that I gave away while flattened underneath the weight of losing some imaginary score while I pull out every grey hair from my sad old stoner’s head i still won’t know what any of it meant and I could dissect every choice I made in the garden of my past wince at every blunder on my lonely winding path i could strangle every victory with the vice of old regret and I still won’t know what any of it meant
3.
Pretty Scary 02:59
secret sounds inside the house you don’t know the half of it why should I be singled out you don’t know the half of it now pry the boards up from the floor you don’t know the half of it ghosts that weren’t there before you don’t know the half of it i thought it would help to isolate myself but you know how that shit’ll go south so fast tiny spaces in between from the corner of my eye just before I fell asleep from the corner of my eye i thought it would help to isolate myself but shadows are sneaking around and if I made a sound would you answer me i thought it would help to isolate myself but you know how that shit’ll go south so fast the palm of my hand as quiet as mice with a blanket around my head you don't know the half of it you don't know the half of it would you answer me
4.
loretta you’re just like a sparrow to me how you hide all your secrets down under your wings and when you find yourself flying away it’s so hard to stay aloft while you carry their weight loretta you see how it comes back on you all the shadows that you gather up to cover the truth but now it seems that your cover’s been blown will you fly off again and abandon your home loretta you’re just like a sparrow to me how you puff out your feathers for lying it seems that you’d just as soon give up your wings you’re a sparrow that’s tired of flying
5.
did I really make it out of the woods for this would it have been better never to try to come back at all now rub the mud from out of your eyes wander through the dirt that you thought you left behind while the path was winding how did we let it get this far now that we’ve looked through the curtain to see where we can never go did i really make it out of the woods for this
6.
you like to think that you’re slick floating around in secret over the street i can make out your silhouette casting shadow puppets through the screen stay out of sight blending into the background when it gets dark i can only see you if I squint my eyes really hard you pick a safe place to hide but I keep track of the shadows on the walls dancing over the flames give your hiding spots away if I could sleep standing up if I could slip out of consciousness for a while eyes forgot how to shut if I could remember a dream after it was done little moth’s wings little moth’s wings little moth’s wings
7.
the snowstorm hit our town not long before nightfall the roads are closing down again the shops are turning off the little lights in their windows to say tonight just stay in your bed but marcie knows how to make things better she's got both her hands in my hair i close my eyes in the darkness now i could be anywhere cuz i'm so preoccupies when emotions get stressful living in these uncertain times disappears for a second when marcie knows I don't need anything on my mind and marcie knows how to make things better she's got both her hands in my hair i close my eyes in the darkness now i could be anywhere
8.
9.
i'm feeling not so great but I know I'll navigate myself away it was a dangerous mistake but I know I'll navigate myself away and I don't understand i got the markings on my hand i need a friend just to remind me how to deal with this half lucid dreamer state but I know I'll navigate myself away and I was brought up not to hate yeah I just learned to navigate myself away and it pins me to the floor can't see the demon at my door made of smoke and breathing fire over me he's got me paralyzed in fright he flickers just beyond my sight how can I navigate to someplace I can't see i'm feeling not so great feeling not so great but i know
10.
The Flu 02:34
kiss under the golden dome the night I knew I would catch your cold earmuffs and a runny nose kick through the snow when the pipes froze and it’s dark out on my way to work and it’s dark when I make it home and my mail’s still getting sent to my old zip code the winter that you dyed your hair knit me a scarf that I’ll never wear not even five when the sun goes down we'll watch the snowdrifts take over the the town and my mom’s coming down with a scratchy throat and my baby cousin’s got the flu and it’s only a matter of time ’til it gets me too snuck in a space heater, well we tried oh but my landlord wouldn’t let it slide so we put all the blankets in a pile and tangled up where it was warm inside and you buried your freezing fingers under my arms for the entire storm and like them this moment is tiny and perfect and warm
11.
i've always been running from you but now is not the time to relapse back to this paralyzing victimhood i've always distracted myself but these thoughts are so intrusive i can't relax long enough to do any good and you don't have to try to convince me life's worth living cuz i've heard it before i don't wanna die i'm just confused and desperate a victim of these troubling thoughts a victim of these troubling thoughts a victim of these troubling thoughts i've always been running from you but this darkness licks my vision i peer into its depths til i'm completely blind i've always distracted myself but i'm running out of excuses entangled in its tendrils til i'm trapped inside and you don't have to try to convince me life's worth living cuz i've heard it before i don't wanna die i'm just confused and desperate a victim of these troubling thoughts and it might be easy for you to just be strong but i never quite got my mind figured out now it's all wrong and you don't have to lie to convince me life's worth living cuz i've heard it before i'm not gonna die i'm just trapped in a cycle recycling all these troubling thoughts recycling all these troubling thoughts recycling all these troubling thoughts
12.
thought i knew the answer when i was just a boy i had that dumb resolve that nothing could destroy no but i've grown flimsy now as many years have passed learned the hard way yeah that nothing really lasts perfect like it was in the past and oh the injustice of it all it's been tearing at my soul for way too long wondering where the hell i went wrong see what i've become and move on she used to come around maybe once or twice a year plans to the wayside playing everything by ear yeah late night rendezvous in the backseat of my car feelings left unsaid just in case we missed the bar but you know i never could see that far and oh the injustice of it all it's been tearing at my soul for way too long wondering where the hell i went wrong see what i've become and move on things i deprive myself of for reasons vague to me now how do you like me now thought i knew it all when i was just a kid i never put much thought into the selfish things i did but all that stupid shit has caught up to me now made me wanna kick and scream and cuss out loud when i learned what all the fuss was about and oh the injustice of it all it's been tearing at my soul for way too long nights i'm still baying at the moon it can get like this when i'm lonely in my room it was foolish to assume anything just where i belong wondering where the hell i went wrong see what i've become and move on

about

The original Winter in Limbo was recorded in 2017 on an old MacBook as I was in the midst of a months long road trip that ended with me moving to Minneapolis. It was recorded entirely using my MacBook’s built-in microphone, as that was the only recording gear I owned at the time, and mixed using a pair of drug store earbuds. I also didn’t know how to monitor my own voice while recording vocals, so my singing is very nasal as a result of me straining over the music.

I released it in early February of 2018, a couple months after moving to Minneapolis. I had yet to meet my band, or play any shows in the Twin Cities at all. Fast forward a couple years, another album and a full-band EP later, and the Winter in Limbo songs have become fan favorites at our live shows, especially Marcie and Twilight Zone. I never expected people to actually appreciate those songs, since I didn’t know what I was doing when I recorded them! Winter in Limbo was only available on Bandcamp, and friends of the band kept asking when we were going to put the album on other streaming services. I was always self-conscious of the album’s rough sound, so I never did that.

Then quarantine hit and I needed a project to keep my mind off of a lot of sad personal things. I had better recording gear, a more capable voice, and more recording experience, so it seemed like the perfect time to perfect the Winter in Limbo songs, plus throw in two more just because. They still have a lo-fi, home recorded edge, but the performances and mixes are way better. And now it will be available everywhere.

credits

released February 5, 2021

Dan DeMarco: music, lyrics, vocals, production
Lucas Rollo: backing vocals on track 5 & 12
Eva Adderley: album art, emotional support

Winter in Limbo was recorded at home and at The Schoolhouse in Iowa City, IA.

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Admiral Fox Minneapolis, Minnesota

Eclectic indie from Minneapolis, MN.

Dan DeMarco: guitar, vocals, lyrics, memories

Lucas Rollo: bass, vocals

Ben Ouellette: drums, samples

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